Pile of Dross

Its been 1 month since Annabel and Graeme‘s wedding, so I thought I’d mar[k] the occassion by digitizing my bestman’s speech from my cuecards for those of you who weren’t there/couldn’t hear me clearly/want to relive the agony.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my name’s Derek
and I’ve the honour of being
Graeme’s best man today.

On behalf of the bridesmaid, Zoe
and Laura, I’d like to thank Graeme
for his kind words. I’d just like to
say that both are looking lovely today
and are only outshone by Annabel
herself, who looks absolutely stunning
unlike Graeme who just looks stunned.

I’d also like to thank the ushers:
Colin, Andrew, Mark and Jon, who
have do a great job shepherding
people around and generally making things
happen.

Its traditional in best man speeches
to maock the groom, however I’ve been
doing that since I first met him in
ab Edinburgh University Lecture theatre,
so I thought I’d give him a break
on this day of all days and try
and say nice things about him.

No easy task!

Firstly, I’d have to say that he’s very
good neatured, he’s put up with 8 years
of jokes, sarcasm and ridicule
with good humour and grace
and still thought well enough of me to askk me to be
his best man.

Or perhaps since he knows of my _love_ of public
speaking, this is his way of getting revenge.

he can be very enthusiastic and energetic
though for soeone whose daily consumption
of coffee is measured in litres (not cups)
this isn’t too unexpected.

He can be stubborn and determined too, pity
the person who tired to convince Graeme that
staying out drinking till 3am, when there was a
9 am exam was a bad idea. I still have
the scars!

Graeme does have excellent taste as
his choice of wife clearly shows
(as I’m sure you’ll all agree)

Graeme, you’ve married a beautiful,
smart , caring, witty person in Annabel. I
hope you realise just how lucky
you are.

Annabel, you’ve married…. Graeme
Well he has plenty of potential at least.

So I’ve tried (and possibly) failed to say
nice things about Graeme. I hope I
haven’t scared his new in-laws too
much.
But seriously, I wish you two all the
joy and happiness in the the world in
your new life together.

So Ladies and Gentlemen, if I can
ask you all to be upstanding…
and join me in
a toast to Annabel and Graeme

- THE BRIDE AND GROOM!

Right, done, you can stop cowering behind the sofa at the sheer cringeworthyness of it.

[update - Uggh and 101 typos fixed too]

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